You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
