so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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