I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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