idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
