I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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