I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
