Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
