Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
