I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
