he told me I talked like a deaf person
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
