Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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