I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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