actually, I'm a sock model
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
