i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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