____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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