I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
