dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
