just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
