A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
