Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
