just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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