You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
