Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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