Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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