My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
