His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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