Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize