Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
