You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
as a side note pls kill me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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