I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
