oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
