Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
