Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
