I bet he comes in French.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
