how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will pee on everything he values.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
