Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
