I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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