im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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