I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
