He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
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There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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