Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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