I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
