Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love having hate sex.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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