I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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