Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
