im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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