I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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