I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
