she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
