absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
