Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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