I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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