there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
