I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
