he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
