His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
