ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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