I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
