I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
