I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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