need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
