so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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