i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize