hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
