apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
