Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
