you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
