This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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